Getting older has never really bothered me, although, some numbers have been better than others, of course. Last year I turned 30. And I was happy about it. It had been a long time since my last landmark birthday and I was looking forward to a new number up front. Besides, I've never felt old. Certainly not old enough to be married... own a house... be a mother...
But 31 is looming over my head like a black cloud. I can't exactly put my finger on what's got me so shaken up about it... I mean, it's just a number, right?
Maybe it's that I don't feel any more grown-up than I was 10 years ago. But what makes you feel grown-up, exactly? Is it grown-up stuff? A grown-up job? Or grown-up problems? I've certainly had plenty of those...
And as all the birthdays past, this one will come and go... maybe with a little display (and more candles) and I'll be the same person with just a different number.
2 comments:
I know what you mean, dear. For me, it was the idea that I'm only a grown-up to Maddie, and other kids who look up to me. To Adam, my friends, myself: I'll always be an overgrown kid, and that makes me feel better.
ryan has really been bugging out about turning 30 in jan. i thought i would be ok with 30, but the way he is freaking out now i'm not sure!
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