'Roid Rage

As I'm sitting here in my hospital bed reeling from the exorbitant amount of steroids coursing through my body, I figured perhaps it would be cathartic to get some of my swirling thoughts down on "paper." For those of you unfamiliar with cortosteroid therapy, it's very similar to what I believe menopause would be like... Aside from the physical symptoms of hot flashes, night sweats, and bloating, there are also lots of mental and emotional side effects to contend with. Anxiety, aggression, and depression are the most common, however, right now I'm really struggling to calm my mind. I've tried distraction with various forms of media, sleep, meditation, and even pain killers to shut off the overwhelming thoughts, but nothing is working. The interesting aspect is that it is almost a state of mania... I keep thinking about the wonderful impact that this surgery will have on my quality of life and can't stop myself from making ambitious plans for post-op. I just can't help myself from continually sitting up to jot down ideas of projects that I hope to accomplish. I'm wondering if it manifests from my concern about being the best mother and wife possible. Most of my ideas center around providing for Allison through craft projects, games, and other household tasks. I've always recognized my tendency to over commit to lofty ideas, but with my unpredictable health, it's not easy to follow through. And as I step back and look at my life, I want more than that for Allie. I'm sure much of this isn't unfamiliar for new moms, and I know how lucky I am to have such wonderful role models in my friends and family. So, thank you for taking time to read my out of the ordinary post, and thank you all for the abundance of support you have provided me and my family.

Love,
Jen